UNHAPPINESS IS A PERSONAL CHOICE

When I launched my book, HAPPINESS GUIDE FOR BEGINNERS, I chose as a dedication for my readers: "I hope that this book will always remind you that happiness is a personal choice". Yet so is unhappiness and unfortunately this is a very frequent choice of people.  What exactly makes us choose unhappiness?

1. WE COMPLAIN TOO MUCH!

Way too much! If you make a simple observation exercise,  you will see that it is an international sport. From the daily news to our office colleagues, mainly bad things are noticed. And even if there isn't any, we invent it. Our brain is an operational instrument which puts into practice the received information. We should not, therefore, be surprised if everything we do is to induce ourselves a feeling of discontent.

2. WE GET STUCK IN NEGATIVE SITUATIONS

If a person mistreated you once, that is an accident, if they treated you badly the second and the third time, then it represents a choice. Because you accept being treated badly. And if you complain about this to your friends and relatives but you get in the same situation, it does not necessarily mean that you DID something about this. Life and reality are very diverse. If you get used to being a dynamic person and you embrace change, you will be able to build your reality as you wish it. If you get stuck in patterns, and you do not want things to change, do not complain. You chose the unhappiness and "if you want different results, you need to think differently" as Dr. Richard Bandler says.

3. WE DO NOT HAVE THE RIGHT ATTITUDE

Attitude does not always mean fighting the people who threaten the comfort and decency of your existence, it means in many situations the distance you need to take or to speak out clearly what you are willing and what you are not willing to do. Too many times we try not to hurt the feelings of the people around us, but if we "collect" frustrations and we "explode" later, I do not think it helps anyone.

4. WE GET STUCK WITH THE WRONG PEOPLE

Sometimes we spend time with people because we got used to them. If you want to diagnose your life, have a good look at the people you're holding near. We are a mimetic species and we unconsciously imitate what we see around. If you want to be successful, stick around successful people, and if you realise you are unhappy, check who are the unhappy people around you. It is a good thing to analyse your five closest people, because they are your external mirror. Remember that you establish rapport with them and it puts you on the same frequency with them, so make sure you find yourself on a good one.

5. WE LACK COURAGE

As I have already described in my book, the moment I faced death, I realised it was pointless being afraid and not accomplishing what I wanted to accomplish, or living the way I wanted to (of course as long as I did not harm the people around, yet it meant from time to time telling them the naked truth).

Unfortunately, we are afraid, too afraid of doing what would make us happy. And we just get stuck, like that, and life passes by. And when we go through a crisis, we realise that the changes in our life are not bad, on the contrary! It is the moment when you look behind and realize that if you had made a tiny effort every day, your life would be now much, much better!

6. WE DO NOT ORGANISE OUR TIME BETTER

A lot of unhappiness and misery come from poor time management. We keep postponing what we should do, not to make a tiny effort, and we get into a state of  "I do not care anymore", which, later, when it is too late, becomes bitter disappointment. If we stopped the autopilot and we organised our lives better, many reasons for disappointment would disappear from our lives.

7. OUR CONVICTIONS

We are too many times educated in the idea that life is a jungle, we teach our children that life is hard, that people are evil, and guess what will our brain do? It will make us take those actions that will made us leave those realities. It is a matter of education what convictions to have. If you think that something bad will happen to you, or worse, as I could read posted on Facebook that every time something good happens, you should wait for the worse, then you are on the surest path towards unhappiness.

It is true that in your life, as in the life of each and every human being, there will be tragedies, tragedies that happen for no reason, yet, the most painful and hardest to get over are the tragedies created by our way of thinking. So, if you live a big number of tragedies, it is possible that you have an active role in producing them.

8. WE GET STUCK IN THE PAST

Unfortunately, too many people live their lives under the influence of what happened in the past, whether they were abused, they were left or someone dear to them died. If we let our past rule our life, and if we let the bad experiences of the past dictate our present, we are of course condemned to unhappiness. Thus, it is important for us to be present in our lives, to keep in mind Dr. Bandler's words: "The best thing about the past is that it is over"

In conclusion, there are many things to be said about unhappiness and basically, among its causes are the opposites of the things that make us happy, things I broadly analysed in my book.


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http://stefanabalan.blogspot.ro/2013/07/10-things-that-will-make-you-happier.html

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http://stefanabalan.blogspot.ro/2013/01/nlp-techniques-for-dealing-with-past.html