REAL LOVE IS NOT LIKE IN THE HOLLYWOOD MOVIES

In a recent survey on my blog in my mother tongue, I was surprised to notice that the vast majority of those who answered the question on my blog, picked the theme of love as the most interesting for them.

Of all the topics I could talk about, I consider this one the most delicate and difficult to approach and I have to warn you that if for the other themes I am fully using my NLP lessons from Dr. Richard Bandler and his amazing trainers, the posts on love will have a strong personal touch and I do not dare to claim that I hold the supreme secret of happiness in a couple, only my subjective opinion that I am living a beautiful love story with my husband.

Against my habit of using affirmative sentences, I chose this time a negation: Real love is NOT like in the movies. I do believe that if you want to have a real love story, you firstly need to get rid of the Hollywood films mental programming. If you are always watching your poor partner whether he does what Leo did when he jumped or whatever he did to save the girl from the Titanic, or who knows what other stories your brain may have recorded as being the "recipe" for love, you will not be able to RECEIVE what your partner really has to offer. Love is offered and received without scripts and repeated scenes.

Secondly, a partner is not a financial plan, nor a trophy. He/She is a real person who needs someone to help them develop, grow, flourish. Unfortunately I see too many women who are focusing only on the way they look, send too many sexual messages and they will not be able to attract, despite their other qualities, very reliable partners if they concentrate their seduction only in the sexuality zone. I have also noticed the gentlemen who are self-hypnotising when they see such women. I do understand that these are natural instincts, yet we are an evolved species, as far as I know... If somebody is good-looking, it does not mean that they are the "prince" or the "princess" from the fairy-tales. If they are considered good-looking, it is also the result of the media programming we get all our lives. Beauty is, indeed, in the eye of the beholder, and if you see beauty only in the physical qualities, do not be surprised that you have not found a partner close to your heart.

I truly believe in the relationships in which the partners help each other to evolve. Together with my husband, we have all sorts of discussions: our work, our son's education, investments, personal development and we encourage each other to accomplish as many things in all areas. We learnt, in time, to become a team and we respect the other's space, work and earnings, we have common investments and separate investments, common projects and separate projects, common dreams and separate dreams and common activities and separate activities. My husband encouraged me to do my NLP training with the best in the field, with Dr. Richard Bandler, Kathleen and John La Valle and their team and he also gave me part of the money, yet I preferred to return it to him as immediately as I could, not because he asked me to but because I think it is the fair thing to do, to let him be able to use the money he earned for his favourite activities, because that money represents his time and energy. The fact that we respect each other's money motivates us to make more and we are thus able to use it in our favourite projects without frustrating the other. I have met shocked looks to the idea that we have separate revenues but it works for us and we hardly ever have discussions referring to money. It is also possible that for other couples, other financial formulas to be the winning ones.

We also argue, I am impulsive and my husband is too analytic, however, no matter how different our ideas might be, or how much he would step on my nerves, and he has this inborn talent to step on ALL my nerves, I have educated myself that instead of preparing a painful divorce for him, to hold in my mind the dearest images we have, and I use the one in which he was holding my hand after I woke up from the anesthesia from my last year's surgery and the fact that he saved my life. OK, I admit that this sounded a bit like Hollywood, but I am totally convinced that you also have very strong images with your partner that you could use to get back together after you have a bit of a fight.

After all, our life is a subjective experience and the way we see our partner is our choice, and the way we treat them can help them develop or crush them. In any case, it depends on us, our values and our attitude what kind of partner we choose and we have.

In conclusion, love is not like in the movies, regardless the persons, there will always be disagreements and incompatibilities as well as different visions. It is up to us to pick the quality ones and to be ready to build a common life and a common vision but to also let them be as they want to be.

If you liked the article, you may also like the chapter LOVE AND ROMANCE from my book HAPPINESS GUIDE FOR BEGINNERS. 

SUCCESS, THY NAME IS DETERMINATION

DO YOU WANT TO BE SUCCESSFUL? I have one thing to tell you: DETERMINATION. Many of the people I know were fooled into believing that the LAW OF ATTRACTION will magically solve their problems and money will flow into their bank accounts without them having to make the slightest effort. Actually, I do believe that the LAW OF ATTRACTION should be supported in our lives by the more powerful LAW OF ACTION.

Honestly now, did you really believe that you could stay in your house, watching the movie THE SECRET and by only positive thinking, millions will come to you? The movie has, as I have already affirmed it in my book, many true parts, from the power of the vision which helps your brain establish objectives, the positive attitude which unblocks your brain to the gratitude that allows you what you already have in order to motivate you to acquire more.

If you want to be successful, if you want to be happy, you need PURPOSES. People talk about happiness and success as if those stayed hidden in a place they need to discover. Actually, a happy person, and ultimately, a successful one, is the one who believes in their objectives and makes them become reality. CONSTANTLY. DETERMINED. Not just by dreaming and then finding the excuses for not succeeding. If someone held the gun to your head or worse, the life a someone dear depended on your actions, you would certainly act!  

“If it is hard, it means that you are doing the right thing” Richard Bandler.The error most of us do is that we expect to accomplish great things in a total state of serenity and relaxation ... just like that, with no effort. Yet, exactly the moments when we find it difficult are the signs that things are changing.  

The brain has a certain inertia and in order to change a habit with another requires effort and DETERMINATION. And this implies never giving up, not postponing and doing the necessary steps, one by one, until a new lifestyle and habits are born. And the beautiful part is that after we succeed, we completely forget about the effort. And if it was harder, it makes so much more valuable. 

Do you want to be successful? Establish objectives, and not 2-3 a year, but 4 pages since you have the entire year at your disposal. I'd like to tell you that all the objectives I had were fulfilled, even more than that, I was bold enough to have new ones, and those came true as well. It is even more accurate to say that I accomplished them (it is true, with God's help, but as a Romanian proverbs says: "God gives you but He doesn't fill your bag"!). After you have an objective, make an action plan and when you find it hard to hold on, remember Dr. Bandler's words, continue because YOU ARE ON THE RIGHT TRACK. 

It takes around 21 days until we can establish a habit. Up to that moment, be proud of the moments when it was hard for you and you continued, because you made a progress, and continue, continue, continue...towards your goal!

WHAT IF I FAIL? Trust me, there is no greater failure than the lack of action. What society considers failures are partial successes that can be resumed and accomplished. Do not fear to have courageous objectives and be determined to succeed. In order to support a bit the "magic" from THE SECRET, Paolo Coelho is right to say that "if you have a dream, the Universe conspires in fulfilling it" only when you get out the comfort zone, take action and be sure you will get "help". That's the real secret ;) 

You may also like the chapters THE POWER OF YOUR VISIONS and THE POWER OF DETERMINATION from my book HAPPINESS GUIDE FOR BEGINNERS 

and the articles: 

http://stefanabalan.blogspot.ro/2013/07/5-killers-of-your-dreams.html

http://stefanabalan.blogspot.ro/2013/07/10-things-that-will-make-you-happier.html