REAL LOVE IS NOT LIKE IN THE HOLLYWOOD MOVIES

In a recent survey on my blog in my mother tongue, I was surprised to notice that the vast majority of those who answered the question on my blog, picked the theme of love as the most interesting for them.

Of all the topics I could talk about, I consider this one the most delicate and difficult to approach and I have to warn you that if for the other themes I am fully using my NLP lessons from Dr. Richard Bandler and his amazing trainers, the posts on love will have a strong personal touch and I do not dare to claim that I hold the supreme secret of happiness in a couple, only my subjective opinion that I am living a beautiful love story with my husband.

Against my habit of using affirmative sentences, I chose this time a negation: Real love is NOT like in the movies. I do believe that if you want to have a real love story, you firstly need to get rid of the Hollywood films mental programming. If you are always watching your poor partner whether he does what Leo did when he jumped or whatever he did to save the girl from the Titanic, or who knows what other stories your brain may have recorded as being the "recipe" for love, you will not be able to RECEIVE what your partner really has to offer. Love is offered and received without scripts and repeated scenes.

Secondly, a partner is not a financial plan, nor a trophy. He/She is a real person who needs someone to help them develop, grow, flourish. Unfortunately I see too many women who are focusing only on the way they look, send too many sexual messages and they will not be able to attract, despite their other qualities, very reliable partners if they concentrate their seduction only in the sexuality zone. I have also noticed the gentlemen who are self-hypnotising when they see such women. I do understand that these are natural instincts, yet we are an evolved species, as far as I know... If somebody is good-looking, it does not mean that they are the "prince" or the "princess" from the fairy-tales. If they are considered good-looking, it is also the result of the media programming we get all our lives. Beauty is, indeed, in the eye of the beholder, and if you see beauty only in the physical qualities, do not be surprised that you have not found a partner close to your heart.

I truly believe in the relationships in which the partners help each other to evolve. Together with my husband, we have all sorts of discussions: our work, our son's education, investments, personal development and we encourage each other to accomplish as many things in all areas. We learnt, in time, to become a team and we respect the other's space, work and earnings, we have common investments and separate investments, common projects and separate projects, common dreams and separate dreams and common activities and separate activities. My husband encouraged me to do my NLP training with the best in the field, with Dr. Richard Bandler, Kathleen and John La Valle and their team and he also gave me part of the money, yet I preferred to return it to him as immediately as I could, not because he asked me to but because I think it is the fair thing to do, to let him be able to use the money he earned for his favourite activities, because that money represents his time and energy. The fact that we respect each other's money motivates us to make more and we are thus able to use it in our favourite projects without frustrating the other. I have met shocked looks to the idea that we have separate revenues but it works for us and we hardly ever have discussions referring to money. It is also possible that for other couples, other financial formulas to be the winning ones.

We also argue, I am impulsive and my husband is too analytic, however, no matter how different our ideas might be, or how much he would step on my nerves, and he has this inborn talent to step on ALL my nerves, I have educated myself that instead of preparing a painful divorce for him, to hold in my mind the dearest images we have, and I use the one in which he was holding my hand after I woke up from the anesthesia from my last year's surgery and the fact that he saved my life. OK, I admit that this sounded a bit like Hollywood, but I am totally convinced that you also have very strong images with your partner that you could use to get back together after you have a bit of a fight.

After all, our life is a subjective experience and the way we see our partner is our choice, and the way we treat them can help them develop or crush them. In any case, it depends on us, our values and our attitude what kind of partner we choose and we have.

In conclusion, love is not like in the movies, regardless the persons, there will always be disagreements and incompatibilities as well as different visions. It is up to us to pick the quality ones and to be ready to build a common life and a common vision but to also let them be as they want to be.

If you liked the article, you may also like the chapter LOVE AND ROMANCE from my book HAPPINESS GUIDE FOR BEGINNERS.